The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.
The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.
The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.
The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.
The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.
The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.
The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.
The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do
The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.
The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.
The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:
1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.
The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.
The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.
The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:
1. Flush the toilet 2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem 3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor
The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly
The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors
The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in
The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?
The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a **** in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.
The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??
The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.
The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.
The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.
The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.
Ghost Poopie The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.
Turtle Poopie The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out
Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Lincoln Log Poopie The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.
Gas-sy Poopie The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!
Drinker Poopie The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Corn Poopie (Self explanatory)
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.
Liquid Poopie The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.
Upper Class Poopie The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.
The Suprise Poopie You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!
The Dangling Poopie This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.
Other Poop Names
3-Colier (impressively long) A Donald (from England, Donald Trump rhymes with dump) A doo yoo moosed Admiral Browning A horse peaking out of the barn ABC -- another bad creation Afterburner AGB- after grog bog Alley apple Anal leakage Another one bites the dust Ass **** (or AP) Ass Rocket Ass-Opening Experience air out the anus air out the ass arc one out ass sneezing Baby arm Baby makes cake Backdoor stinger Backing out the finless brown trout Bag of goodies Bake bread Bake brie BarBQ nuggets Battle the beast back the big brown caddy out of the garage ba-doop Beans in the bowl Bearding the bowl Become a logger Beef Jerky Beer Deuce -- the nasty dump after a long night of drinking Beware of number 2 Big Greasy One -- the one you get about once a month or so, and it is so big that it is worth tellin Birth Chocolate Babies Birth the Brown Nosed Weasel Blast a deuce Blast a dookie Blastin' turds bajsa bake brownies big jobby bite a train blast a dookie bloop blow blow some mud bob for apples bog buang air besar build a log cabin burners burial at sea bury cable bury a quaker bust a dook bust a **** bust ass Blow chocolate Blow holes in the ozone Blow mud Blow out an o-ring Blowin it up -- stinking up the bathroom Bomb Pearl Harbor Bomb Porcelanistan Bomb the Bay Bomb the White House Bombing the Ty-D-Bowl man Bombs over Crapdat Boo Boo Boom Boom Bowel Movement Bowl-freckling Brag Brawl with the serpent Break porcelain Bronze some beef medallions Brown art Brown Cola Brown Pee Bud Mud -- crap after drinking Build a log cabin Building a rocket Bum Bucker Beaties--when all your sweat glands turn to anuses and you die of the drizzlin ****s Bury a Quaker Business Bust a crap Bust Ass Bustin' a purge Butt cough Butt lumps Butt nuggets Butt Pee Butt Stick Butt-cracker Butter tarts Butter the roll Butt-rock cagando Call of nature Cannon Baaall! Captain's log Cast your pellet Celtic pride -- green poo Chasing ducks Check your bags Choco suprise Chocolate gone bad Chocolate Shark Chocolate Iceberg Cigar between the Cheeks Clank Cleanse the colon Clear out the pipes clumsy brown trout Coco Pebbles Coil some rope Colon cowboy Conducting Air Strikes Over Porcelainastan Cop a squat Cotton-sniffing turtle Cow Pie Crack the whip crackin' a rat Crank out a tube-steak Crankin' a Hanky Cranking out the Chocolate Soft-Serve Crap Crap on a stick Crowning -- like when a babies head begins to appear call one's uncle christen the comfort station chuck the football clean one's colon clear the air cocken cook some beans cop a **** crap cut off a load defecate desecrate the throne room dispatch a Yankee dive bomb do a dog do business with John do one's daily duty do one's dirt do poopsie do the doo down the periscope down the proctoscope Dance with the white ribbons (TP) Dancing of the Dingleberries Danglers Dart -- as in diarrhea fart Defecate Dense fart Dirty Hail Dirty Snap Dirty up the bowl Do a job Do your duty doggie bag Doo Doo Doo Doo Brown Doodie Doogler Dookie Dookie Houser Download some Software Drawing mud Drop a bomb drop a brick drop a chalupa Drop a Deuce Drop a grogan drop a deuce drop a fat load drop a load drop an atomic bomb drop a nuke Drop a spike Drop a splunker Drop anchor Drop ass Drop off the Cosby Kids Drop the "S" bomb Drop the Chalupa Drop the cosby kids off at the pool Drop the kids off at the pool Drop the Huxtables off at the pool Drop the wax Droppin' a log Droppin' bags droppin house Droppin' wofate Droppin' wolf bait Dropping pods drop ass goblins drop a wad in the porcelain god drop one from the poop deck drop one's wax drop some bait drop some friends off at the lake drop the kids off at the pool dump dump a dead grandma dump a load dump truck dump Dump human waste Dump like a truck, truck Dump your cargo Dunk the funk ease nature een drol draaien Easter Eggs Elephant droppings Entertaining the Peanut Gallery Erupt the upside down volcano Evacuate empty the manure spreader empty the poop shoot evacuate one's bowels excrete fecal matter feed the dog feed the goldfish fill the pot flunk a dunk Farm potatoes Fast Freight to Fudge City Fat digger Fecal matter Fecalus Magma (Montezuma's Revenge) Feces Feed the Devil Feel the need Fertilize the lawn Filling the Pit with Kingsford fire a brownie Fire in the hole Firing the Napalm (harsh diarrhea) Float a sea-pickle Float a swan Float some timber Float the Falcon flying walendas Foul yourself Free the Americans Free the Slaves free the chickens from the coop free the legless dog to sea frisbee a bun fudge frog a log gagas get a burning desire to sit on porcelain give birth to a black eel give birth to a marine give birth to submarines give of oneself give sacrifice to the porcelain god Georgia Brown Get your dijon Get your grumpy on Ghost Poopie: the kind where you work really hard, but no poopie Gigantus Poopus Give birth to a brown baby boy Give birth to a fecal baby Give birth to a giant corn-eyed buttsnake Give birth to Meatloaf's daughter go backwards go clip a yam go cocky go for a Tom Tit go grunt go number 2 go pop go stinky go to bog go to the library grow a tail Go crush a pig Go dump in the night Go into dump mode Go let a grogan go Go see a man about a dog Go see a man about a dog with a long neck Go take a [enter the name of the person who you are talking to] Go to the bathroom Go to the Plop Plop room Gone loggin' Got the cramp Grand Poo Bah -- the first poop is really big and the rest are mere pebbles Grapes of Wrath Grate cheese Grease the bowl Green green apple splatters Grow a tail Grunt grump Hail Caesar Hairy Mary Hang with Mr. Pooper Hangin' a monkey tail Hangin' Mud Have a lumberjack meeting Having a brown baby Heading into Surgery Heave a Havana Heavy artillery Helping Pillsbury Henry Parsons Died Hershey Squirts Hibernate Hiroshima Hit the growler Hit the Hershey Highway Hit the hopper Hork a loaf Horse apple Hot Mud Syndrome -- burning exceptionally foul poop hang a rat have a bowel movement have a turtle head poke out have some fun help out Dunkin' Donuts hit the can honey dip jakksy I got a turtle head pokin out Incoming jumpers away Ka-Ka Ka-Ploomps Ka-thunk Kerplunk King Kenneth - when you poop so much it piles up above the water line. Kreplach kakat kaknel kill a dead eagle Knit a Brown Sweater Launch a Brown Missile Launch a Scud (from Desert Storm Days) Launch a sea pickle launch a log launch a sub lay bricks Lay Cable Lay an egg Lay logs Lay rubber Lay some cable Layin a lethal log lay cable lay pipe lay a turd lay some sledge Laying a TransAtlantic cable Leave a lead pipe Leave a steamer Leave some used food Let the miners out Lethal log leave a deposit leave a **** let the dogs loose let the firetrucks loose lose a farting contest lose ten pounds in one Letting the kids out to swim Lincoln Logs Lincoln Logs on the Mississippi Link some sausage Liquid Fart Little Bo Poop Logging out Loose change and sand Low Altitude Bombing Mach ein Sheiss -- German for "make a ****" Magnus Dumpus minute make make a caca Make a doozy Make a log Make a mess Make sausage Make waste Makin' a hole in one Makin' change Making brownies Making gravy Making statues of JETS fans make a chocolate hamburger make a deposit in the drop box make a deposit in the porcelain bank make a house make a little junk make a loaf make a pass make everything come out all right make poopie make the donuts make the people in the apartment below scream in agony man the deck meditate misfart mold an action figure move the mail MOAB - Mother Of All Bombs Moons over my assy Montezuma's Revenge Motion Move the mail Move your bowels Mud slide Must be the puppy chow murder a mud bunny murder a **** Nasty Pickle Nature calls Negotiating the release of some hostages Nuclear meltdown Number 3 (a combo of 1+2) Number two Numere Due Numero dos Offering a sacrifice to the porcelain gods One wiper Open wide and let it slide Open your bowels park a load pay a visit to the old soldier's home pay one's doctor bill pinch a loaf **** backwards pitch a log plant potatoes plop a load plunk Pop a Squat Post a letter Postin' up on the blaster Power dump Prairie-dogging it Pull a Najeh Davenport Punch a grumpy Pushin cotton Pushin' mud Putting an end to farts poot press a loaf purp push brown Paint the White House black Peel out Percolating Butt Coffee Pitch a biscuit Playing Hide And Seek With A Mud Turtle Plonk Plonks Plop Plunge! Poo Poo Lump Poocaino Poop Poop Diddy Poop goes the weasel Pop a deuce Pop a Grogan Put the Nelson on the train (Mandela) recycle some cellulose refill the bowl with chili relieve oneself relieve the bowels revolve the beavers Release a hostage Release some blind baby seals into the wild Release the hounds Release the turds Relieve yourself Return of the **** demon Rhesus Pieces Richard Simmons Poopy - Poop so much you lose 10 pounds Ride the porcelian pony Rocky Mountain Mud Slide (a night after drinking Coors) Roll a Blunt Roll logs Rounding second and heading straight into home ride the porcelain pony scheissen Sausage link Scat Scooby Doo Screamer See a man about a horse send a fax send a log to float send some sailors to sea Sending the Browns to the Super Bowl Serving up the Poo Poo platter Sewer assalts Shake a tit Shart (when you think you're going to fart and you **** yourself) Shat Sheet **** ****tin a brick ****tin my dick off Shoot a duke Shoot the deuce Sink a few logs Sink the Titanic shoot a dog shoot bunnies shump Sir Poops-Alot Sit on the throne Skidmarks Skipping brown rocks Slam Slam into a Slim-jim Slay the dragon Smash Smoking a cigar Snappin' a Coiler Snuff a grumpy Soil yourself Solid farts Spread-n-ready Sputter -- the one where you fart and poopie at the same time Square one off Squat Squat a grumpy Squat a Yam Squeeze Squeezin' Cheese Squirrel curl-- a curver that curls up and hits you in the back Squirt my brown pet Staining the pond Stankin it up Stew a Rat Stock the pond with brown trout Stool Stranglin midgets Sumthin' at the Bay doors sink submarines sit on the crapper sit on the throne sit on the throne of porcelain skita smell up the house with horrible turd fumes smoke a brown dooby soil one's pants sparkle spend a penny spike a bird's nose sprout a tail squat squat and push squeeze a fresh slurpy step into the office stock the pond with some brown trout take a crap take a digi take a duke Take a deuce take a dump take a good crap Take a growler Take a grumper Take a Huskie (Washington Huskie) Take a hut (as in hhhhuuuuttt) Take a load off your behind Take a natural log (for math majors) Take a poop Take a squat Take a winder Take my medication -- dumpacillin Takin' the Browns to the SuperBowl Taking a Castro Taking a dood Taking a Ja Rule Taking the brownies out of the oven Taking the Cosby kids to the pool Taking the kids to the river T-Bombs The Fast and The Furious (aka diarhea) The gravy train The mail must go through Thirty-five Forty-five (from "Friday") Throwing up out of your butthole Thunder Dump Timber! Titanic Poopie -- so big it breaks in half when you try to flush it Toot your horn Tootsie Roll Torpedoes Toss a turd Touching fabric - this is when it's REALLY close Transduecer Tuna salad Turd Turds ahoy! Turn and burn Turn on the Crap-o-matic Turtle Head -- the kind when you have to hold it for so long it is peeking out Turtle Soup - diarrhea Turtle Turd - when it pokes its head out the water like a turtle getting sun Two take a lovely take a plane crash - no survivors take a plumper take a rest take a **** take a snap take care of one's business talk to a man about a horse trash the hash Ugly Baby Unleash the brown demons Unload Cargo Unplug Urge to purge Use paper unhitch a load unload visit Mr. Hanky visit the chamber of commerce Visit Dennis (Hopper) Visit Elvis Visit from Mr. ****tz McCrappen void one's bowels wash the walls william shattnering Wander off Who wants seconds? Winnie the poo Write a letter to the Pope (Mayor, Gov, Senate, etc.) yell at Mrs. Johnson Zappin' Bugs There ya go.
I can't say that I read it all, cause that post was just waaaay too long, but what I did read was funny...
__________________
They say I'm disturbed. Well, of course I'm
disturbed. I mean, we're all disturbed. And if we're not, why not? Doesn't this
blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why
not do something crazy? It makes a helluva lot more sense than blowing your
fucking brains out. -Mark Hunter
quote: Originally posted by: "its funnier with the pictures."
ew.
__________________
They say I'm disturbed. Well, of course I'm
disturbed. I mean, we're all disturbed. And if we're not, why not? Doesn't this
blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why
not do something crazy? It makes a helluva lot more sense than blowing your
fucking brains out. -Mark Hunter
The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.
The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"
The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.
The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.
The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.
The Common Fart - This fart needs little description. It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds. I can see no point in describing this far any further.
The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.
The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.
The Echo Fart - This is a fart that can be wrongly identified. It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an echo.
The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.
The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.
The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.
The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.
The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.
The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.
The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.
The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.
The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.
The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.
The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.
The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.
The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.
The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.
The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.
The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.
The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.
The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.
The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.
The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.
The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.
The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.
The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!
The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you!
Other Names For Farts
nouns
verbs
aerosolized stool after dinner mint air air attack air biscuit air monkey air poop anal acoustics Anal announcement anal escape of wind anal emissions anal oxide anal retreat anus evacuation Arkansas barking spiders ars musica arse blast ass dropping backblast backdoor trumpet back draft back end blow out bae barking rats barking spiders bean bombers bean fumes beaver leaver beer fart belching clown big spit-up bilabial fricative blampf blare-ass blow-by blow fish blue angel blue bomber blue darts blurp bologna sandwich essence boomper letters bork bottom burp botty burp botty cough bram brewer's fart brown-body radiation brown haze brown mist brown speckled mallard brownster brun canard bubblers buck snort or bucksnort bull snort bum and flutter bunsen burners burners burp that went astray burp that comes out the wrong end butt burps butt cheek squeak butt moose butt mutt can o' chedder carpet creeper case of swamp ass cheeser cheese toasty chert chold chou pi chunder churchhouse creepers cornhole tremor crepidus crunchy frog cushion creepers davebrok deer snort dej desert varnish doofu doozer doozy double flutterblast drifters drig drive by Dutch oven eggy whiffo essence of Emeril excreted gas explosion between the cheeks extreme fumagatory essence fang pae fang pi fannitosis fanny beep fanny bubble fanny halitosis fart fartrogen dioxide fat lady delight fecal clouds fickle fuzz fing fingi fire in the hole fizz fizz-fuzz fizzy fuzz flabbergaster flame throwers flatulence flatulencia flatus flooper fluff flurpies fly breaking the sound barrier foo-foo frump Furz fuss the fuzz the fuzz=fizz gas gasser gastronomical reprocussion General Colon Bowel barking commands gooz gross wind grosse humours guano-talk gou pi grunghee gurglers hanger hissers hole in the wall gang honksa hot wind Hun Futza hurricane hydrogen bombs ignimbrite Jersey torch jetwash kabooms kanala the leather cheerio bark lingers lort love puff low flying geese low flying jets massive vapor of butt gas message from the interior methane misdirected burp Missouri mud ducks moon beam morning thunder mouse mousie squeak mudslapper mush musical butt the nether belch nuée ardent one-cheek sneaks paad pants geese passed flatus passed gas peaches pedo peido peo pet petard phewie pip pluts poelse poodles poof poofume poo gas pooh pooh noise poop fumes poop without the mess poopy tunes poot pooty pants popcorn fart pop tarts power poof preets prison break proot-proots prootsie prut pudd puffer puh puk pulpmiller pum purple clouds putt-putts queve rames rare arse rattler rectal turbulence report ringo ringtailed roarer rip ass ripship the rip**** ripskin ripsnorter roevgas Room clearer rup rap the scented scream scheet seam squirrels **** fumes **** propellant **** vapor **** without the mess silent but deadly silent but violent silent depth charge silent spadily sitter air skag skid sliders smelly jelly smell-o-rama smelts smoofer snak S.O.D. some **** behind you talking **** sound spadily sphincter whistle sphincturbulence spitters squeakers squib stainer stale wind stench of death stink stinker surprise svaerd talking pants tear arse tear ass terminal flatulence terminal velocity flatulence three tone fart thunder below thunder in the buns tonage toop tooters toot-toots triple flutter blaster triple thunder flutter trouser cough trouser trumpet trump turtle tushie belches underpants lion Under-thunder veirnt ventifact vind voice of the toothless one wet fart wet one whallop whootzie wind wind breakage windy pops wizard zephyr backfire bake breeze biscuits bake brownies bark bend a valve blow dirt blow dust blow a fart blow a gasket blow kisses blow mud blow smoke blow the sparkplugs blurt boff boom-boom break the seam break wind buang angin bust ass butt yodeling chemold clear one's throat cleft a boofer colon bowlin' cook eggs couper le fromage crack ass crepitate crop dusting cut a gasser cut a melon cut chedder cut muffins cut one cut the cheese cut the provolone deal one degas dot'dot draw mud from the bottom of the pond drop ass drop a cookie drop a fart drop a ringo drop a rose drop one drop one's guts effluviate emit a fart erupt one fardullah fart fart like a popcorn machine fessa flatulate float an air biscuit frump furzen fuss get expelled from stool grunt guff heiny burp he o koita here comes Freddie Jag fis kentut kill the canary launch a wifter lay a fart lay a jellybean let a windy let fly a fart let Freddie out of jail let one make a stink make cheese make methane make some underleg noise ot'ot pass gas peidar peter piffle pollute the atmosphere poopski poot pop corn pop off pritz puf pukat queimar a bota refine **** particles release intestinal gases Release a tree monkey from captivity ringo rip one rip the canvas roar from the rear **** the bed shoot bunnies sink my battleship sneeze in one's pants spider's barking spill one's guts split the seam start a Harley start the engine step on a duck step on a frog step on a fart snake stink out loud stomp on the barking spider strike mud strip a gear supply it taint ripper toot To speak German vent winden laten
AAAAAlbionic abdominable voorheaves A Janitor's Dinner Arfie McBarfie Bail Barch barf bark at ants Barfathon Bark at the carpet Bark your lungs Batch Bleenglish blow blow beets blow breakfast blow chow blow chunks blow din-din blow doughnuts blow foam blow groceries blow lunch boke Bombing Tokyo boot boot camp boot in bush bow down before the porcelain god brack bring flourescent Christmas cheer bring it up for a vote Bring up brown-nose it Brown eye winking at you Brownie buick Bust a floogie buy my buick Bye bye beakfast call buicks call dinosaurs call for huey call to the seals (arrrrrr aaarrrrrrrrrr) call uncle ralph Calling Earl Calling the Moose Calling Your Anus On The Phone Carfed catch it on the rebound Chowdered Chuck chuck a pizza Chuck your Cheerios Chuck your ring up Chuck-out Chuckup Chug and Blow Chum Chum for sharks Chum the waters Chunky Belch Chunder struck chunder chunderspew Clam chowder Class-A download clean house Clean-out time commode hugging Cough up a lung Crying for Europe De-ballast decorate pavement deliver street pizza Delivering a Bile Bouquet Derail Dialing the Moose Digestive pyrotechnics Digestive rebellion Dishonorable discharge disgorge divulge dinner Dooky Download dinner drain the main dribble phlem drive the porcelain bus earl Eject Enamel coat the toilet bowl Engage in an involuntary personal protein spill (George Carlin) Erupt Evacuate all you ate Expel feed the fish feed the houseplants feed your young fertilize the sidewalk Flush Flying V Food for the fishes Freshen up gack gag Get sick give an oral sacrifice at the altar of the porcelain god Giving A Special Gift go to europe with ralph and earl in a buick Gonna blow Goodbye Mr. Chips Green lumpy poopy Gripping the stinky bowl Hack Hanging over the bridge Harf Havana Omelet heave Heavy Spit Hit the flux-capacitor Holding the toilet up all night Holla holla Holler at the toilet, rail, ocean, etc Holler New York Honk Horf hork huey Hug the bowl Hug the john blues hug the porcelain wishing well hurl Keel off a big one Kneel before the porcelain god Lateral cookie toss Laugh at the lawn Launch lunch Leap of faith Like, well, you know Lip****s Liquid cream pie Lose your lunch Low blow I chucked my cheerios I gotta chew my fries more induce antiperistalsis inverse gut involuntary personal protein spill Jump Shot (When you jump up to run to the bathroom, you only add velocity to your extract) kneel before the porcelain throne lateral cookie toss laugh at the carpet launch lunch leave lunch liquid laugh liquid scream liquidate your assets look for o'rourke lose flourescent christmas cheer lose some chopped carrots lose weight lose your lunch lunch make a (technicolor) tribute to disney Make a goose call Make copies of the menu Massive Blast from your ass Meat puppets Meef Meeting Ralph Mouth poop make an offering to the porcelain god make food offerings to the china gods meet my friends ralph and earl motion discomfort (Airline Barf-bags) negative chug offer a sacrifice to ralph, the porcelain god order buicks over the big white phone organic output Opening the Flood Gate Opening your "Cookie Jar" Oral Diarhea Organ recital Paint a fresco Pavement pizza P-Bomb Pebble dashing - a reference to house exteriors parbreake Perform peristaltic pyrotechnics Plotz Plowed under plant beets power barf power boot Power chuck pray at the porcelain altar pray to the porcelain goddess protein spill. psychadelic spit Praise the porcelain god -- Also "worship" Pray to the porcelain god Pressing the reset button Projectile Psychedelic belch puke Puke your ring out Pull the chain Pull the trigger Pulling the plug Purge Rage against the Machine Rain to the Porcelin God Ralph Ralphy McMalfee Recarpet the igloo Recycle Recycle corn Redecorate the floor Regurgitate Replicate the chalupa Reroute Return the tequila (substitute liquor of choice) Reverse chug Reverse crap Reverse peristalsis Revisit lunch (dinner, etc.) Rewind Rewind your lunch riding the porcelain schoolbus Riding the porcelin bowl ralph read the toilet regurgitate retch reverse diarrhea reverse drink reverse gears reverse gut reverse peristalsis ride the regurgitron round trip meal ticket scream cookies Scream at the bushes Screaming at your radials Screaming at your shoes Screwed The Pooch Seefood sell a buick sell cars (fooooorrrrd!!! buuuuuuiiiccccckkkk! hyuuuundai!!!!) Selling Buicks Send it back to the kitchen Shout at the devil Shout at your shoes Showing off your insides Sick up Singing to the john Sneeze cheese Snow plow Speak up Speaking on the porcelain telephone Spewy McGooie Spill your beans Spit shinin' your shoes Spit up Spittin' b-b's Spray Cake -- "Man, what are you doing in there, spraying cake?" Sprog Spuke-buketeal Stomach scream Stomach Stew Street Pizza Spewk shout at your shoes shout europe at the sink sing lunch sing psychedelic praises to the depths of the china bowl sing to the sink slam barf sneeze cheeze sneeze chunks spew spew chips spew snacks spew spuds spill the groceries talk to god on the big white telephone talk to huey down the big white telephone. talk to john on the porcelain telephone talk to ralph on the big white telephone talk to rrraaalllfffff on the camode-a-phone talk to the carpet Talk **** Talk to the carpet Talking to Ralph Talking to Ralph on the big white phone Tango With The Toilet Technicolor Yawn The big spit Thin spits taste dinner technicolor yawn technicolor yodel the brooklyn mating call the jersey yodel throw dinner Throwing a map thunder-chunder pavement pizza thunder-chunder rainbow parfait Time to call earl Toilet Hugs toss your cookies toss your tacos Toss a sidewalk pizza Toss your cookies Trip your chips Twisting the photogenic eyebrow un-eat Unswallow upchuck Uphale Upheave Upload Upload some chunkware vector-spew Verp Visit an old friend Visiting Europe (euuuuuroooope) Vom vomit Vomit cereal Vomitroshious Wet cough Whistling carrots Whitey Windameer whistling beef wolf woof worship at the porcelain altar worship the porcelain god wretch Yack Yammied Yarf Yarp yak yeech yell at the ground yell for hughie york yuke Yawn in Technicolor Yawning carrots Yodeling in the thundermug Zlorp Zuke
quote: Originally posted by: " The Poop Name List The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it. The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days. The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield. The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself. The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole. The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far. The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll. The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.Tip: Blot instead of wiping. The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help. The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy. The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it. The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy. The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies. The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem 3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by? The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a **** in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup. The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it?? The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste. The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice. The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores. The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly. Ghost PoopieThe kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet. Clean PoopieThe kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet PoopieThe kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain. Second Wave PoopieThe kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more. Turtle PoopieThe kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-PoopieThe kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. Lincoln Log PoopieThe kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger. Gas-sy PoopieThe kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling! Drinker PoopieThe kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet. Corn Poopie(Self explanatory) Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop PoopieThe kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times. Spinal Tap PoopieThat's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways. Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water. Liquid PoopieThe kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl. Mexican PoopieThe kind that smells so bad your nose burns. Upper Class PoopieThe kind of Poopie that doesn't smell. The Suprise PoopieYou are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie! The Dangling PoopieThis Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.Fisherman's Bobber Poopie You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line. Other Poop Names 3-Colier (impressively long)A Donald (from England, Donald Trump rhymes with dump)A doo yoo moosed Admiral BrowningA horse peaking out of the barn ABC -- another bad creation Afterburner AGB- after grog bog Alley apple Anal leakage Another one bites the dust Ass **** (or AP) Ass Rocket Ass-Opening Experience air out the anus air out the ass arc one out ass sneezingBaby arm Baby makes cake Backdoor stinger Backing out the finless brown trout Bag of goodies Bake bread Bake brie BarBQ nuggets Battle the beast back the big brown caddy out of the garageba-doopBeans in the bowl Bearding the bowl Become a logger Beef Jerky Beer Deuce -- the nasty dump after a long night of drinking Beware of number 2 Big Greasy One -- the one you get about once a month or so, and it is so big that it is worth tellin Birth Chocolate Babies Birth the Brown Nosed Weasel Blast a deuce Blast a dookie Blastin' turds bajsabake browniesbig jobbybite a trainblast a dookiebloopblow blow some mud bob for applesbog buang air besarbuild a log cabinburnersburial at seabury cablebury a quakerbust a dookbust a ****bust assBlow chocolate Blow holes in the ozone Blow mud Blow out an o-ring Blowin it up -- stinking up the bathroom Bomb Pearl Harbor Bomb Porcelanistan Bomb the Bay Bomb the White House Bombing the Ty-D-Bowl man Bombs over Crapdat Boo Boo Boom Boom Bowel Movement Bowl-freckling Brag Brawl with the serpent Break porcelain Bronze some beef medallions Brown art Brown Cola Brown Pee Bud Mud -- crap after drinking Build a log cabin Building a rocket Bum Bucker Beaties--when all your sweat glands turn to anuses and you die of the drizzlin ****s Bury a Quaker Business Bust a crap Bust Ass Bustin' a purge Butt cough Butt lumps Butt nuggets Butt Pee Butt Stick Butt-cracker Butter tarts Butter the roll Butt-rock cagandoCall of nature Cannon Baaall! Captain's log Cast your pellet Celtic pride -- green poo Chasing ducks Check your bags Choco suprise Chocolate gone bad Chocolate SharkChocolate IcebergCigar between the Cheeks Clank Cleanse the colon Clear out the pipes clumsy brown troutCoco Pebbles Coil some rope Colon cowboy Conducting Air Strikes Over Porcelainastan Cop a squat Cotton-sniffing turtle Cow Pie Crack the whip crackin' a rat Crank out a tube-steak Crankin' a Hanky Cranking out the Chocolate Soft-Serve Crap Crap on a stick Crowning -- like when a babies head begins to appear call one's uncle christen the comfort stationchuck the footballclean one's colonclear the air cockencook some beanscop a **** crap cut off a loaddefecate desecrate the throne room dispatch a Yankeedive bomb do a dog do business with Johndo one's daily dutydo one's dirt do poopsie do the doodown the periscopedown the proctoscopeDance with the white ribbons (TP) Dancing of the Dingleberries Danglers Dart -- as in diarrhea fart Defecate Dense fart Dirty Hail Dirty Snap Dirty up the bowl Do a job Do your duty doggie bag Doo Doo Doo Doo Brown Doodie Doogler Dookie Dookie Houser Download some Software Drawing mud Drop a bomb drop a brickdrop a chalupaDrop a DeuceDrop a grogan drop a deucedrop a fat loaddrop a load drop an atomic bombdrop a nukeDrop a spike Drop a splunker Drop anchor Drop assDrop off the Cosby Kids Drop the "S" bomb Drop the Chalupa Drop the cosby kids off at the pool Drop the kids off at the pool Drop the Huxtables off at the poolDrop the wax Droppin' a log Droppin' bags droppin house Droppin' wofate Droppin' wolf bait Dropping pods drop ass goblinsdrop a wad in the porcelain god drop one from the poop deckdrop one's wax drop some bait drop some friends off at the lakedrop the kids off at the pooldump dump a dead grandmadump a load dump truckdumpDump human waste Dump like a truck, truck Dump your cargo Dunk the funk ease nature een drol draaienEaster EggsElephant droppingsEntertaining the Peanut Gallery Erupt the upside down volcano Evacuate empty the manure spreader empty the poop shootevacuate one's bowels excrete fecal matterfeed the dog feed the goldfish fill the potflunk a dunkFarm potatoes Fast Freight to Fudge City Fat digger Fecal matter Fecalus Magma (Montezuma's Revenge) Feces Feed the Devil Feel the need Fertilize the lawn Filling the Pit with Kingsford fire a brownie Fire in the hole Firing the Napalm (harsh diarrhea) Float a sea-pickle Float a swan Float some timber Float the Falcon flying walendas Foul yourself Free the Americans Free the Slaves free the chickens from the coopfree the legless dog to seafrisbee a bun fudgefrog a loggagasget a burning desire to sit on porcelain give birth to a black eelgive birth to a marine give birth to submarines give of oneself give sacrifice to the porcelain godGeorgia Brown Get your dijon Get your grumpy on Ghost Poopie: the kind where you work really hard, but no poopie Gigantus Poopus Give birth to a brown baby boy Give birth to a fecal baby Give birth to a giant corn-eyed buttsnake Give birth to Meatloaf's daughter go backwardsgo clip a yamgo cockygo for a Tom Titgo grunt go number 2go pop go stinky go to boggo to the librarygrow a tailGo crush a pig Go dump in the night Go into dump mode Go let a grogan go Go see a man about a dog Go see a man about a dog with a long neck Go take a [enter the name of the person who you are talking to] Go to the bathroom Go to the Plop Plop room Gone loggin' Got the cramp Grand Poo Bah -- the first poop is really big and the rest are mere pebbles Grapes of Wrath Grate cheese Grease the bowl Green green apple splatters Grow a tail Grunt grumpHail Caesar Hairy Mary Hang with Mr. Pooper Hangin' a monkey tail Hangin' Mud Have a lumberjack meeting Having a brown baby Heading into Surgery Heave a Havana Heavy artillery Helping Pillsbury Henry Parsons Died Hershey Squirts Hibernate Hiroshima Hit the growler Hit the Hershey Highway Hit the hopper Hork a loaf Horse apple Hot Mud Syndrome -- burning exceptionally foul poop hang a rathave a bowel movement have a turtle head poke outhave some funhelp out Dunkin' Donut**** the can honey dip jakksy I got a turtle head pokin out Incoming jumpers awayKa-Ka Ka-Ploomps Ka-thunk Kerplunk King Kenneth - when you poop so much it piles up above the water line. Kreplach kakatkaknelkill a dead eagleKnit a Brown SweaterLaunch a Brown Missile Launch a Scud (from Desert Storm Days) Launch a sea pickle launch a loglaunch a sublay bricksLay CableLay an egg Lay logs Lay rubber Lay some cable Layin a lethal log lay cablelay pipe lay a turd lay some sledgeLaying a TransAtlantic cable Leave a lead pipe Leave a steamer Leave some used food Let the miners out Lethal log leave a deposit leave a **** let the dogs looselet the firetrucks looselose a farting contest lose ten pounds in one Letting the kids out to swim Lincoln Logs Lincoln Logs on the Mississippi Link some sausage Liquid Fart Little Bo Poop Logging out Loose change and sand Low Altitude Bombing Mach ein Sheiss -- German for "make a ****" Magnus Dumpus minute make make a cacaMake a doozy Make a log Make a mess Make sausage Make waste Makin' a hole in one Makin' changeMaking brownies Making gravy Making statues of JETS fans make a chocolate hamburgermake a deposit in the drop boxmake a deposit in the porcelain bankmake a housemake a little junkmake a loaf make a passmake everything come out all right make poopie make the donutsmake the people in the apartment below scream in agonyman the deckmeditate misfart mold an action figuremove the mailMOAB - Mother Of All Bombs Moons over my assy Montezuma's RevengeMotion Move the mail Move your bowels Mud slide Must be the puppy chow murder a mud bunnymurder a ****Nasty Pickle Nature calls Negotiating the release of some hostages Nuclear meltdown Number 3 (a combo of 1+2) Number two Numere Due Numero dosOffering a sacrifice to the porcelain gods One wiper Open wide and let it slide Open your bowels park a load pay a visit to the old soldier's home pay one's doctor bill pinch a loaf **** backwards pitch a logplant potatoes plop a load plunkPop a Squat Post a letter Postin' up on the blaster Power dump Prairie-dogging it Pull a Najeh Davenport Punch a grumpy Pushin cotton Pushin' mud Putting an end to farts pootpress a loaf purppush brownPaint the White House black Peel out Percolating Butt Coffee Pitch a biscuit Playing Hide And Seek With A Mud Turtle Plonk Plonks Plop Plunge! Poo Poo Lump Poocaino Poop Poop Diddy Poop goes the weasel Pop a deuce Pop a Grogan Put the Nelson on the train (Mandela)recycle some celluloserefill the bowl with chilirelieve oneself relieve the bowelsrevolve the beaversRelease a hostage Release some blind baby seals into the wild Release the hounds Release the turds Relieve yourself Return of the **** demon Rhesus Pieces Richard Simmons Poopy - Poop so much you lose 10 pounds Ride the porcelian pony Rocky Mountain Mud Slide (a night after drinking Coors) Roll a Blunt Roll logs Rounding second and heading straight into home ride the porcelain pony scheissenSausage link Scat Scooby Doo ScreamerSee a man about a horse send a faxsend a log to floatsend some sailors to sea Sending the Browns to the Super Bowl Serving up the Poo Poo platter Sewer assalts Shake a tit Shart (when you think you're going to fart and you **** yourself) Shat Sheet **** ****tin a brick ****tin my dick off Shoot a duke Shoot the deuce Sink a few logs Sink the Titanic shoot a dog shoot bunnies shump Sir Poops-Alot Sit on the throne Skidmarks Skipping brown rocks Slam Slam into a Slim-jim Slay the dragon Smash Smoking a cigar Snappin' a Coiler Snuff a grumpy Soil yourself Solid farts Spread-n-ready Sputter -- the one where you fart and poopie at the same time Square one off Squat Squat a grumpy Squat a Yam Squeeze Squeezin' Cheese Squirrel curl-- a curver that curls up and hits you in the back Squirt my brown pet Staining the pond Stankin it up Stew a Rat Stock the pond with brown trout Stool Stranglin midgets Sumthin' at the Bay doors sink submarines sit on the crappersit on the throne sit on the throne of porcelain skita smell up the house with horrible turd fumessmoke a brown doobysoil one's pants sparklespend a pennyspike a bird's nosesprout a tailsquat squat and pushsqueeze a fresh slurpystep into the officestock the pond with some brown trouttake a crap take a digitake a dukeTake a deuce take a dump take a good crap Take a growler Take a grumper Take a Huskie (Washington Huskie) Take a hut (as in hhhhuuuuttt) Take a load off your behind Take a natural log (for math majors) Take a poopTake a squat Take a winder Take my medication -- dumpacillin Takin' the Browns to the SuperBowl Taking a Castro Taking a dood Taking a Ja Rule Taking the brownies out of the oven Taking the Cosby kids to the pool Taking the kids to the river T-BombsThe Fast and The Furious (aka diarhea) The gravy train The mail must go through Thirty-five Forty-five (from "Friday") Throwing up out of your butthole Thunder Dump Timber! Titanic Poopie -- so big it breaks in half when you try to flush it Toot your horn Tootsie Roll Torpedoes Toss a turd Touching fabric - this is when it's REALLY close Transduecer Tuna salad Turd Turds ahoy! Turn and burn Turn on the Crap-o-matic Turtle Head -- the kind when you have to hold it for so long it is peeking out Turtle Soup - diarrhea Turtle Turd - when it pokes its head out the water like a turtle getting sun Two take a lovelytake a plane crash - no survivorstake a plumpertake a resttake a **** take a snaptake care of one's business talk to a man about a horsetrash the hashUgly Baby Unleash the brown demons Unload Cargo Unplug Urge to purge Use paper unhitch a load unload visit Mr. Hankyvisit the chamber of commerce Visit Dennis (Hopper) Visit Elvis Visit from Mr. ****tz McCrappen void one's bowels wash the wallswilliam shattneringWander off Who wants seconds? Winnie the poo Write a letter to the Pope (Mayor, Gov, Senate, etc.) yell at Mrs. JohnsonZappin' Bugs There ya go."
quote: Originally posted by: "Oh yeah baby! Tell me more, tell me more! You kids r crazy! ;)"
Oh I got alot more in this thread. Just keep on reading down past the poop post and other peoples replies. You'll see more that I have on here. I know there kind of long. But oh well.
I can't say that I read it all, cause that post was just waaaay too long, but what I did read was funny...
